Yes!

Screw the Holidays. Right now it's MONICA SEASON!

Remember 1998? The fitted white T with the baggy khaki cargo pants? And the terrible lip syncing! Monica is the true sound of my holiday 2010 season.

Just when he couldn't get any weirder...

David Lynch has come out with a brand new dance track single! Yes! "Good Day Today" is probably going to be some sort of autotune cult classic, so let's all get ready to love it a little bit more.

Yep. Obsessed.

Yep.

I've been trying to figure out if there is anything wrong with any part of this music video. The answer is no. This video is actual perfection. From the oversized cardigans to the weird 80's green screen rollerskating....everything is great. I even like acrostic rapping! Thumbs up jj Fad!

WHY DON'T THEY MAKE MOVIES LIKE THIS ANYMORE?!!?!?!?!?!??!

Everyone should see "Drugstore Cowboy"

Howlin' Wolf. Stop that with your cool name and glasses and a voice like you spent your childhood gargling gasoline.

I want to go to there

After a thoroughly mediocre and totally unsatisfying day at work (I actually asked to leave early because it was so lame today) all I really want is a kitten massage.

Why is kitchen planning so hard...

My return from summer vacation.

I just spent a week in Vermont. It was spectacular. A big house on a pond. Swimming. Canoeing. Making mojitos and drinking many a wine spritzer. Beautiful mountains and clouds. Real QUIET.

This song was definitely in the background more than we'd like to admit....

I ate a lot of fried food yesterday.

Butter = Plate of Fried Bits
Bread = My lovehandles.

Just a little stress eatin'. No big deal guys. Will resume with the salads tomorrow.


Bahahahaha. JK.

Today is the first day that you can tell Fall is coming.

I highly recommend...

..."Stray Dog." Directed by Akira Kurosawa in 1949, this noir detective movie is a gemstone.

Swedish Teen Movies Look Awesome

SUMMER CAMP - Round the Moon from Paddy Power on Vimeo.

I did something tonight that I bet a lot of you guys haven't done in a while. BABYSITTING.

See above picture for accurate description of my evening. And since when did 3 year olds get so good at bargaining?

Big week

There's a lot happening this week. AUGUST. I know everyone says that it sucks.

"Oh man, this month is so humid."
"Gee guys. August is the SUNDAY of the summer!"
"Wow. Everything gets so weird in August."

WELL F THAT. I'm determined to make August rAwK. I'm starting off this second week in August by going to 6 Flags. Yeah. That's right. Jealous much? It's pretty much going to be like this:



AND. I am getting three disposable cameras developed. They should be coming back this way by Wednesday. COMPLETE WITH PHOTO CD'S. Which means easy fucking uploading. Yeah. Here are some possible highlights of the cameras: pics from my birthday, that time I went to BBQ with my friend Stephanie in Fort Greene, the day I walked around with Molly and we realized that we couldn't have a normal conversation because it was 102 degrees outside and our brains were literally bubbling, and pictures of kitty being qewt! I'm excited.

The world needs more Divine.

Sunday is a blogging day!

Debbie Harry + Polaroid Camera = Dream

And this one

Tuesday

I like the matching hat and shirt!

Bye Bye Bushwick

You know what's really fun?

PACKING!!!!!

I am moving. In fact, all of my furniture (bed, couch, table, some other heavy shit) is all getting moved on Monday morning. Right now I live in a fourth floor walk up. It's too f'ing hot to even dream of moving a couch down a winding staircase, into a van, and into Bed Stuy all by myself. So. I have been packing up all my other stuff. Except not so much.

Today, I begged my boss to change my schedule so that I could work from 10-2 and then go home and start packing.

But. What did I do instead? I stayed at work until 445. Then. I came home. I sat on the internet for half an hour. Then I took apart a bookcase (now that's what we call progress). Then I got hot, so I sat by a fan for like 40 minutes. Then I went to a concert. Then I went and had a couple of drinks. Then I came home, made a salad, ate ice cream, and started to watch Real Housewives of New Jersey. Then I started to feel real anxious about packing. So I decided it was time to blog. AND HERE I AM NOW.

So, instead of doing anything super productive, I'm gonna give y'all the JULY PLAYLIST. I know all you internet fanz have been dying to get the next installment, so here it is.

Narwhal Taco's July Playlist

Omghooray. Yes, that's right. I took time away from my busy schedule of internet dating and reality TV to make another playlist. Because I love all of you internet stalkers SO FUCKING MUCH. Here's the tracklist:

1. "He Is the Boy" - Little Eva
2. "Look At Your Game Girl" - Charles Manson
3. "Little Brown Haired Girl" - Frankie Rose and the Outs
4. "Sweet Virginia" - The Rolling Stones
5. "Round and Round" - Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
6. "Summer Holiday" - Wild Nothing
7. "Jail La La" - Dum Dum Girls
8. "Marathon" - Tennis
9. "Texico Bitches" - Broken Social Scene
10. "Solitude Is Bliss" - Tame Impala
11. "Mississippi Queen" - Mountain
12. "All She want To Do Is Dance" - Don Henley
13. "Room's On Fire" - Stevie Nicks
14. "Heartbreaker (feat. Jay-Z)" - Mariah Carey
15. "Rill Rill" - Sleigh Bells
16. "I Wanna Be Your Lover" - Prince
17. "Me, You, One (Means I Love You)" - Bob Pinado & His Sound Casters
18. "Stand Back" - Stevie Nicks
19. "Born to Be Alive" - Patrick Hernandez.

Now here are the complimentary music videos. Enjoy.


(I'm not going to lie. I think this music video is kind of stupid.)




(The world needs more men like Don Henley.)




(KLASSIK!)



Ok. Time to pack up my entire fucking kitchen. God dammit.

Summer Album Alert!

Ok. So over here in Brooklyn, we are in the deepest, darkest depths of summer.

It's 90 degrees every day. Your A/C is starting to make weird noises because it's been cranking at full blast for a month. You can't ride your bike anywhere because there are fire hydrants gushing water everywhere into some weird block party you are definitely not invited to. All of your friends are out of town (how does that always happen?). You spend most of your time at work looking for other jobs. You find yourself drinking a lot more than you ever thought possible. And don't even get me started on the back of your knees being all sweaty...

BUT LUCKILY I have started listening to this great new album by Los Angeles natives, Best Coast. Their new album "Crazy For You," which is supposed to come out later this month (but you can find snippets of it everywhere on the internet), is the perfect background noise for your summer time ennui.



"Crazy For You" is that album for anyone who has found themselves at the end of a dead-end summer romance. You know it's not going anywhere, but for some reason you can't stop thinking about him or her. Kind of fuzzy, kind of 90's grunge girl group, kind of beachy, lead singer Bethany Cosentino sings simple, repetitive songs in a carefree, sunshiny tone. All about someone she used to care about but is no longer in the picture, each song tells the tale of a girl who is trying to have a good summer but can't get that last guy out of her head. But not in a whiny, "poor me" kind of way. It's more like "I miss you but come mid-September I'm not really going to remember your name" kind of way. She sings about those things that you know are insignificant but you don't really have anything else to focus on, so it consumes your brain.

It provides perfect ambience for when you don't want to think about anything but can't stand the idea of sweating by yourself in silence. Or if you decide to stop waiting by the phone and go for a really warm summer time stroll. It's all stuff that you can totally sympathize with and understand, but are tired of saying over and over to the two friends who didn't decide to Eurotrip or manage to go to the beach for three months.

It also makes really great summer drive music. Kind of the stuff you would listen to in your car on the way to high school only. New nostalgia.

She really taps into Courtney Love territory in her track "Honey." It's probably one of the most desperate and emotional songs on the album. It sounds like that inner monologue you play in your head right before you go to sleep and are staring at the ceiling. You are so over thinking and just want to go to sleep. (And if there is anything that gets me all riled up, it's a good homage to Hole.)

She says it best over the fifth track on her album, "Summer Mood." "There's something about the summer/something about the summer/something that makes me moody." I feel ya' girl.

All I have to say is that it's been playing on repeat as I try to pack up my apartment and move...more details about that coming up! Expect everyone to get invites to House of Halsey ASAP!!!!

Summer time jamz!

The Japanese are so bonkers sometimes!

This is a minimalist house designed by the Japanese group Shinichi Ogawa & Associates. They do these crazy buildings with nothing but walls of glass and couches and a large computer in the middle of everything. And maybe a succulent to remind you that you are a living, breathing human being.






I mean. This is awesome. There is nothing but lines and surfaces and clean, white, crispness.

I envy people who think like this. But at the same time, who the fuck is going to live there? My house is a constant labyrinth of piles of magazines and tumbleweeds of cat hair blowin' all over the place. I mean, where in this house would I feel comfortable putting my collection of European licorice? Or that funny horse statue I bought for $10 that one time. Or my globe lamp? It would totally clash. BAM. There go all my surfaces.

I'd probably have to sell kitty just to pay for that one little Japanese maple or whatever that is quivering in it's depressing concrete holding cell. Do they expect that tree to grow? It's roots are gonna totally fuck up the CLEAR GLASS LINES.

This weather is wacky.

So this song is real emo. But. Sometimes that's all I want. But it's a pretty boy singing about heart-wrenching problems! Sigh...

It's supposed to rain later and it's getting really windy.



So this song is real emo. But. Sometimes that's all I want. But it's a pretty boy singing about heart-wrenching problems! Sigh...

It's supposed to rain later and it's getting really windy.



P.S. The line at work between professional and personal is starting to get real blurry. My coworker sent me a text last night that said: "yo chris why you so upset with me." UGH. IS IT NOT OBVIOUS. BECAUSE YOU SEND ME TEXTS THAT MAKE YOU SOUND LIKE A LITTLE WHINY BITCH. Ooooh my blood boils.

Personal update

So I'm not going to go into detail. But this video literally sums up what my life has been like the past week.



This video is dumb. But the song says it all.

Work is so slow. I think summers should be a vacation-only time. So much more civilized...

Totally stupid

So this weather. Is totally stupid. No one ever wants it to be this hot. I was in my car todaymm and I looked at the thermostat, and it said 109. 109!!!! Like. I dunno. I had to question and go back through my day and try to remember if I did any crack before I left the house, because the only way it could possibly be that hot is if I was on drugs. The answer was "No. You've just been sitting inside breathing freon all day from your 70's style AC!" Totally rad.

So what did I do? I logically cleaned my entire house, took a shower, had great hair only to have it deflate in the humidity (FUCK YOU HUMIDITY. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MY HAIR?), went to Target and tried to buy a feather bed!

This is what I had in mind. Me. In the world's most comfortable bed. With the AC blasting. And my cat chillin'.

But what happened when I got there? They only had feather beds in XL Twin & King sizes. What? Where are we? How is everything so totally useless to me right now?

So instead, I got a brisket sandwich from Mile End Delicatessen and drank lemonade and prepared my rental application to get this stupid brownstone apartment in Bed Stuy. So. I'm currently lying on my EXTRA FIRM BED, trying to cool off.

This heat makes me cranky.

The 4th of July was fun. I don't have any pictures because I lost my digital camera the day before I left and found it this afternoon, under my car seat. GRUMP.

I also want these boots. I tried them on in October at APC. They cost $500. I totally should have taken the plunge. Ha! Jk. I could never afford $500 boots. Yet....just wait till I have my book deal and syndicated TV show, you assholes. RAWR I WANT EVERYTHING AND I'M HOT AND GRUMPY!!!!

Who the fuck do I have to kill...

...to get this hot. Ciara. What the fuck. She doesn't even break a sweat. She just looks great in nothing but a fur coat, heels, and a $300 bathing suit. Not. Fair.

I'm the sweatiest....

Oh and this one too...

This is courtesy of Meagan. She says to look out for the talentless man who plays the bongos and is in every music video these guys make. Neat-o!

Also...

....I discovered this song after my playlist for June had been finalized. But expect it on the July mix.

I can't stop listening to this song. It's what I want the soundtrack to my Rooftop Beach Party to sound like. And I think they are singing about South Carolina? Which, even though it's not that cool....seems pretty rad to me. Because I want to go to the beach real bad.

I'm going to Martha's Vineyard for the 4th of July! This boat is a preview of my weekend. Enjoy!

Soundtrack for June

So, hello. June has been a funny month - it got really hot, I competed in a National Cheesemongers Competition (which is the dorkiest thing I can possibly think of), and I decided to move (where to in Brooklyn is still a mystery.)

For the past year, I have been making a monthly (well, sometimes about every 6 weeks) playlist. So, after a lot of really frustrating online research, I finally figured out how to upload the playlist to the internet and let all my friends listen in. It's one long file, so you can put it on and walk away and come back and still have it playing! Awesome! There will be more to come...

Narwhal Taco's June Playlist

Tracklist:

1.) "Does Not Suffice" - Joanna Newsom

2.) "Fist City" - Loretta Lynn

3.) "You're the One" - Paul Simon

4.) "Kerja Kami (Our Work)" - Dara Puspita

5.) "Everywhere" - Fleetwood Mac

6.) "Back to Life (However Do You Want Me) - Soul II Soul

7.) "Animal (Mark Ronson Remix) - Miike Snow

8.) "Chase Scene" - Broken Social Scene

9.) "All Around And Away We Go (Teen Daze Remix) - Twin Sister

10.) "Power (feat. Dwele)" - Kanye West

11.) "Run The Heart" - Sleighbells

12.) "Deadbeat Summer" - Neon Indian

13.) "Queen of the Night" - Whitney Houston

14.) "Peppergood" - The Samps

15.) "Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé

16.) "aNYway" - Duck Sauce

17.) "I Am Not A Robot (Clock Opera Remix)" - Marina & The Diamonds

18.) "XXXO" - M.I.A.

19.) "Dancing On My Own" - Robyn

So it gets a little dancy towards the end. But it makes for really good WALKING music. Trust me....

Here are some music videos for you.

This music video is real good.

Having a moment.

So, it's Menswear Fashion Week for Spring 2011 in Milan right now. Ok, whatever, menswear is never as cool or exciting as regular fashion week, but I gotta take what I can. This year two fashion shows are sticking out in my mind. Not necessarily for the clothes at all.

First, let's take a look at Bottega Veneta.



WHERE DID THEY FIND THOSE MODELS. They are the best. Like...not too skinny...not too styled...kind of scruffy...pumpin' up the chest hair. Seriously. Way to get the styling right. Real men wearing real clothes. Yep.

Then, we look at Emporio Armani.







This is the gayest shit I've ever seen. "Oh, just going for a walk in my leather pants, hat, and backpack! Maybe I'll throw on my bondage-esque belly chain with my clam-digger leather pants! Nah. I'll just wear my singlet. Backwards. With man sandals. That'll be a good idea."

WHAT? This show is too much to watch. It's like they should have been pumping that weird disinfectant-bleachy smell that the bathrooms at sleazy gay bars always have into the fashion show. Great. Can't wait to see people wearing mesh blazers over their leather bondage singlets...

I miss California right now.

Sunday.

So don't get me wrong. I love Beach House. Their new album is really good - it's exciting that they got some time in a really good studio. But, I sometimes miss the old days when they sounded like two kids who were playing with a synthesizer in their living room in Baltimore.

She has a great voice and they have to be one of the most scruffily attractive duos ever.



Ok, so he kind of ruins it at the end when he starts talking. But....if you ignore dumb musician talk, it's pretty good.

Stevie.

This is so good.

Ok, so I'm going to post some more.

I thought you guys might like some pictures.

So I live in the "East Williamsburg" abyss where Williamsburg melts into Bushwick and it's basically a place where concrete and discount shoe stores go to die. Not my most favorite of neighborhoods, but the other day I was driving around and I discovered a beautiful church that is about 9 blocks from my house! It's on the other side of Woodhull Hospital - which looks less like a hospital and more like a chemical testing facility for the criminally insane. Sooo....I don't really go exploring around there too often. Seriously, Brooklyn. Can we get it together and make it look less like Darth Vader designed our medical facilities? Please.



Then I went home and made an egg.



Then I roast a chicken with these things.



Then things got atmospheric with Kitty.




Good day off.

Secret #1

I used to have a blog in high school.

It was basically a way for me to be as secretly gay as possible and make weird online blog friends with anonymous other loser gays like myself who were too busy trimming their bangs and adjusting their wrist bands and worrying about their Sims to actually talk to other real human beings.

But now I am back to the blogging world! Hooray!

Narwhal Tacos. Here it is. And since it took me 35 minutes to figure out how to adjust the title font, I guess this is going to be a slow endeavor. But, we'll start with a good video.



OMG! Look at that dress! I want.

That is Kitty Wells from a 1957 performance for the Grand Ole Opry. kEwL.